Day One

Breakfast: Open a can of expensive gourmet cat food. Any flavor is acceptable, as long as it costs more than 75¢ per can. Place 1/4 cup on your plate, eat 1 bite, and look around the room disdainfully. Knock the rest on the floor and stare at the wall for a while before stalking off into the other room.

Lunch: Enjoy 4 blades of grass and 1 lizard tail, then throw it back up on the cleanest carpet in your house.

Dinner: Catch 1 moth and play with it until it is almost dead. Eat 1 wing. Leave the rest to die.

Bedtime Snack: Steal 1 green bean from someone else's plate. Bat it around on the floor until it goes under the refrigerator. Steal 1 small piece of chicken and eat 1/2 of it. Leave the other 1/2 on the sofa. Throw out the remaining gourmet cat food from the can you opened this morning.

Day Two

Breakfast: Pick up the remaining chicken bite from the sofa. Knock it onto the carpet and bat it under the television set. Chew on 1 corner of the newspaper as someone else tries to read it.

Lunch: Break into the fresh French bread that you bought for the dinner party on Saturday. Lick the top of it all over and take 1 bite out of the middle of the loaf.

Afternoon Snack: Catch 1 large beetle and bring it into the house. Play "toss" and "catch" with it until it is mushy and half dead, then allow it to escape under the bed.

Dinner: Open 1 fresh can of dark-colored gourmet cat food - tuna or beef works well. Eat it voraciously. Walk from your kitchen to the edge of the living room rug and throw it up. Step in it as you leave, tracking footprints across the entire room.

Day Three

Breakfast: Drink part of the milk from someone else's cereal bowl when they're not looking and splatter part of it on the closest polished aluminum appliance you can find.

Lunch: Catch 1 small bird and bring it into the house. Play with it on top of your down-filled comforter. Make sure the bird is seriously injured - but not dead - before you abandon it for someone else to have to deal with.

Dinner: Beg and cry until you are given some ice cream or milk in a bowl of your own. Take 3 licks/laps and then turn the bowl over on the floor.

Final Day

Breakfast: Eat 6 bugs, any type, being sure to leave a collection of legs, wings, and antennae on the bathroom floor. Drink lots of water. Throw the bugs and all of the water up on a nice clean pillow.

Lunch: Remove the chicken skin from last night's leftovers in the trash can. Drag the skin across the floor several times, chew it in a corner, and then abandon it.

Dinner: Open another can of expensive gourmet cat food. Select a flavor that is especially runny, like Chicken and Giblets in Gravy. Lick off all the gravy and leave the actual meat to dry and harden.