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I will not play tug-of-war with dad's underwear when he's on
the toilet.
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The garbage collector is NOT stealing our stuff.
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I do not need to suddenly stand straight up when I'm lying
under the coffee table.
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I will scootch my bottom along the grass to rid myself of hangers-on.
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I will not roll my toys behind the fridge.
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I must shake the rainwater out of my fur BEFORE entering the
house.
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I will not drop soggy tennis balls in the underwear of someone
who is sitting on the toilet.
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I will not roll my head around in other animals' poop.
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I will not eat the cat's food, before or after they've eaten
it.
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I will stop trying to find the few remaining pieces of clean
carpet in the house when I am about to throw up.
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I will not throw up in the car.
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I will not roll on dead birds, seagulls, fish, crabs, etc.
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I will not lick my human's face after eating animal poop.
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"Kitty box crunchies" are not food.
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I will not eat any more socks and then re-deposit them in the
backyard after processing.
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The diaper pail is not a cookie jar.
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I will not wake mommy up by sticking my cold, wet nose up her
bottom end.
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I will not chew my human's toothbrush and not tell them.
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I will not chew crayons or pens, especially not the red ones,
or my people will think I am hemorrhaging.
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When in the car, I will not insist on having the window rolled
down when it's raining outside.
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We do not have a doorbell. I will not bark each time I hear
one on TV.
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I will not steal my mom's underwear and dance all over the
backyard with it.
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The sofa is not a face towel. Neither are mom and dad's laps.
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My head does not belong in the refrigerator, dishwasher, or
garbage can.
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I will not bite the officer's hand when he reaches in for mom's
driver's license and car registration.
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I will not spend more than 5 minutes trying to find the "perfect"
place to poop.
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I will not eat other animals' poop.
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I will not take off while leashed to chase squirrels while
mommy is standing on a slippery grass slope.
Burnsville, MN 55337